Nothing Secedes Like Success!

[taste_is_sweet]

I finished my new novel yesterday. I put in the last edits, made sure the title page had the right info on it, and sent that sucker off. Hopefully to engender a six-figure bidding war between famous publishers before it gets snapped up by Joss Whedon.

My immediate future. Of course.

So, with the work finished and my wealth and fortune completely assured, you'd think that I'd be happy, wouldn't you? Well, so would I! Except for how I'm not.

Nope. Pretty much everything made me cry this morning. Nothing like trying to sing along to your MP3 player and getting choked up by songs that have nothing to do with your life.

The sad (sadder?) thing is, I know it's because the novel's finished. This has happened to me before. What should be an occasion for enthusiastic relief, or at least relief and alcohol, instead ends up giving me the blues for days. Because obviously, if I'm not working on something then I'm a useless human being, right? Not to mention that once the novel's been sent out into the big, bad world, there's a huge, enormous chance that no one will like it. And if no one likes my writing, then I'm a useless human being.

Wash, rinse, repeat ad nauseam.

So here I am, moping 'cause I've got something accomplished. Go, me. And now I get to add terror to misery by starting something else that maybe no one will like either.

Writing: It's not a job, it's a (completely self-imposed) torment! And yet I keep doing it anyway.

Isn't one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result?

Comments

[draycevixen.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! \o/

*squishes you* I think it's perfectly understandable that you'd feel this way. In some very odd ways a novel is like a writer's kid and every parent gets a bit down when they finally leave home.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

::Squishes back:: I love squishes. Thank you. :D Thank you for the congratulations too.

It does seem that you're right. Certainly everyone else who's commented has said much the same thing. I definitely appreciate the reinforcement that I'm not actually insane. That's always good to know. :D

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Oh, I feel ya, I feel ya! My due South co-writer and I were zined about a month ago (and yay for the fandom that JUST KEEPS GOING -- there hasn't been a dS zine in ten years and now THIS). Well, she and I both felt like POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION for a bit after that.

And your equating of writing with "the insanity repetition". Truth!

And along with all that : congrats and hugs for another novel from you!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D And hey, congrats to you too! A Zine after ten years is amazing. It's awesome that dS has legs like that. But yes, I can definitely relate to the depression. At least it didn't last long.

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

...and now my due South co-writer and I are on to the dSC6D Big Bang...no time for that depression and ALL THE TIME for what-the-fuck-am-I-insane-doing-THIS-again. *g*

And talk about a fandom having "legs like that"...the date was just announced for the 20th Anniversary due South fancon in Toronto.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Wow--a fancon? That's really cool. Are you going?

Best of luck with the bb! Is it a LJ comm? I'd love to check it out. :D

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the RCW 139 Con is THE con of due South fandom...held every other year in Toronto since 1996. Registration for the 2014 con opened 21 hours ago, and I got registered in the first hour. My due South co-writer bff will be going there from England and we'll be con roomies...and then I'll be going from Canada to England with her to work on next year's dSc6dbb. The bb is an LJ comm, yes, and our current bb fic will go live there on Canadian Thanksgiving Day at http://ds-c6d-bigbang.livejournal.com/

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Wow, the FanCon and then a trip to England? That sounds like a terrific October!

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

The FanCon and the trip to England, that's August-to-September 2014. The October 2013 reference is to the dSc6dbb going live on Canadian Thanksgiving Day. (However, I actually am taking a fannish trip this October...taking a train ride out-of-state for a "4-day weekend" first time IRL meetup for Canadian Thanksgiving Day with a fellow dS fangirl ficwriter.)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I realized that when I posted the comment that I had the date wrong. Sorry. :(

But August to September sounds pretty awesome. ;)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the info. I'm not following the C6D LJ comm. :D

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

I consider this post-partum depression and I don't think it is that unusual at all. It always leaves me depressed and restless, unable to settle to one project and yet not ready to pick up another one either. I'm learning to try and pick up something more quickly but it is hard to focus when you keep checking your inbox to see if you've heard from the publisher yet. :-)

It *is* scary to release your baby into the world and hope the other kids on the bus will be kind to it. ;-) But hey, at least you're not pulling teeth to get the words on paper. I think that's worse.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad to hear that I'm not alone. Thank you. :D

Oh, boy. Don't remind me about checking the inbox, eh? At least my agent said he'd get back to me within 10 days. That's a lot easier to handle than six to eight weeks.

Do you have anything new out, btw?

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

Nope. Not just you. :-)

Nothing new out for me since April--working on a project, but it's going very slowly. That's just the way it is these days. I'm learning to accept that. ;-)

[amalthia]

Hugs.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

:D

Thank you! I'll always take hugs! And back at'cha. <3

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Fabulous! Congratulations! \o/

And also /o\ and hugs for the feeling down part - I'm sure it's normal, like feeling depressed after giving birth, which is kind of what you've done. *hugs*

[wanted-a-pony.livejournal.com]

My goodness! Stop being so mean & judgmental about yourself!! It's perfectly understandable & normal to feel down after a significant project or event—the bigger/more important to you, the bigger the crash. In science fiction fandom it's called "post-con depression" & it's almost universal. I remember my junior-high glee club teacher warning all us hormonal early-teeners that we'd feel sad, mopey & tired after every big concert & operetta, & we did. It's called "sub drop" & "top drop" after a BDSM scene. Just about every subculture & volunteer group I've ever belonged to which did a long-term project involving significant emotional investment had a phrase for the phenomenon. It most certainly isn't a reflection on your courage, intellect or mental stability!

What could be more natural than feeling a let-down, a disconnect, some grief & exhaustion, when you "release your baby into the world" (thanks sgamadison) & contemplate life without it? You poured so much time & energy & creativity & hope—so much of yourself—into this novel, & now it's gone. Not only can't you 'protect' it any more, you can't instantly forget it or fill the place in your life that it used to occupy either. It takes time to adjust to events that are important to you, including positive events. Give yourself time, & cut yourself some slack.

And then arrange a seriously celebratory night (or weekend ;-) off to carouse!! Congratulations, & well done!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Self-judgmental is my default,so I appreciate the reminder that maybe I shouldn't do that so much. :) It's also comforting to know that apparently this is a normal trait across all kinds of people. I guess it makes sense that any big thing that takes a lot of emotional, mental and/or physical energy will cause some letdown when it's finished.

Your comment was wise and kind, and I will take it to heart. Thank you again. <3

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Great comments...and I <3 like woah your Takei icon!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the congrats! And the commiseration. It's much appreciated. :D ::Hugs back::

I love it already!

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

You know I'll love it, so there's one.

I know how you feel. Whenever I finish a big project - and for me they've only been fics because I'm not as brave as you - I always feel a little blue.

As writers we put so much of ourselves into what we write. It's hard sending it off, be it to a fic site or to a publisher. Because of course we love it and we have to hope that someone else will too.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the new novel, especially because I want to read it!:)

Re: I love it already!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

You're just awesome, is all. And you totally rock that blue hair. :D

Hey, a story is a story as far as I'm concerned. Fanfic just gets a quicker reply. :) But yeah, you're right. It does feel sad and scary to send off something that has so much of my heart in it.

Thank you for keeping your fingers crossed! I'll certainly let you know if there is good news.

[anna-bird.livejournal.com]

Aw, sweetie. You sound like Sherlock Holmes after a case. Watch out for the insidious allure of the seven percent solution!

Congratulations again on getting it done and out, though, and I hope you've heard something by now! <3

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Anna! <3 <3 <3

Thank you for the congratulations! And likening me to Sherlock Holmes. I had to look up your reference, however--I've heard of The Seven Percent Solution, but didn't know what it was. Apparently 'pastiche' is what they used to call fanfiction. :)

I have heard something, but nothing I wanted to hear, unfortunately. Currently the book is back with my agent after some revisions.

[anna-bird.livejournal.com]

Damn! But good on you for getting it back OUT to Le Agent again. (Speedwoman. I miss you! And I love your little fuck typewriter.)

In my book, pastiche = public domain + public avidity, +/- literariness. My book is not very properly math-y or fun. :D

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Ah, but your book is purely original, as opposed to the dude who made money from someone else's idea. (WHO DOES THAT?) And it is fun. At least when it's not horrible in a good way. ;)

I miss you too!