Sometimes I just want a grown-up to look after me. And then I remember I am one.

[taste_is_sweet]

My son is supposed to be starting kindergarten in August at the local school. I realize this isn't such a big deal--my child is hardly the first five year-old to do this--but I get anxious if I don't feel like I know exactly what I should be doing, especially when someone is depending on me. And even though the stupid school is within walking distance of my house, I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

Apparently the registration will be some time in May, but there's no info on that yet. There is also a special bilingual Spanish/English kindergarten I'd like to get my son into, but I have no idea about that, either. Apparently I need to do something to get his language abilities appraised, but I don't know how to do that, either. The website for the school board is about as unintuitive for me as a grad-level physics class, and the pages for the local school aren't any better. And all I was able to find out when I called the school was that I needed to keep checking the website.

So I've contacted a friend of mine who will also be sending her child to the same kindergarten and who is the one who told me about the bilingual classes in the first place. She always knows what to do for things like this, or the magic words or links to use to get the information if she doesn't. I don't know why she's so much better at these things than I am, but she is. At least she can help me. I hope.

Meanwhile, I'm so upset about my inability to find out this simple information that everyone should be able to know that I'm sitting here in tears. My son needs me to know this stuff and I don't know anything. I'm meant to be an adult but I can't even navigate the fucking local school board. And there are so many things I could have enrolled him in but I haven't--sports clubs, sports lessons, extra-curricular activities--and one of the big reasons I haven't is because it scares me. I'd have to get him there and I don't drive. I'd have to deal with all the other suburban parents who always seem to know what the hell they're doing when I feel like I never do. I don't really want to be a soccer or softball or whatever mom, but meanwhile Jav isn't getting to play in a team sport. At least we'll get him swimming lessons once the pools open. I suppose that's something.

Sometimes I really wish I just had someone who would always be able to tell me what to do. Mostly I just wish I was better. At everything.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Does he even want to play a team sport?
He's only five. I'd have thought starting a new school and then having to play loads of sports afterwards might be a bit intimidating - won't he just want to come home, at least at first? Then if he decides he wants to play, surely you can enrol him next season?

I'm sure your a good mum - you clearly care very much, which is the main thing.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

He would probably enjoy soccer or something that had a lot of running around, but all the leagues for preschoolers are closed for the year. Most parents around here seem to enroll their kids in sports teams when they're three or four, believe it or not. Not to mention that Javier has a friend who's younger than he is but who can already ride a bicycle.

Thank you for your kind words! God knows I want to be!

[alyse]

Welcome to motherhood. Seriously. We all feel like that - I've yet to meet a mother who didn't think that she was failing in some ways and that every other mother she ever met seemed to be so much better put together, and organised, and able to bake cookies, co-ordinate vast sleepovers, organise the fundraising sale and still have time to dress perfectly.

Most of us just muddle through somehow, and schools, in particular, are a special circle of hell. My parents were both teachers, and I still can't figure out what the school is up to half the time.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this. And your IM. That was just what I needed.

At least I know I make damn good muffins. :)

[shi-shi2525.livejournal.com]

Aw, honey, relax. Javi is 5 -- he doesn't have to be in team sports -- he's not missing anything! Let him be a little kid without having every hour of his day scheduled. He'll get plenty of exercise at school during lunch, playtime and recess. He's not gonna be a lump.

It's no big deal or 'wrong' to walk him to school every day -- that's par for the course with little ones. The first day get there about 10-15 minutes early to mingle with the other kids.

Look, I owe you a long ass email. I'll continue in that -- you're a wonderful mom, so don't sit there berating yourself.

Love you, sweetie! Hugs!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Shi! Hey, hi! Thank you for commenting! I think I still owe you an email, but I won't complain if you send me one!

I didn't mean to be confusing about walking him to school--I'm actually quite happy I'll get to do that, even if it's ungodly early in the morning. (School starts at 7:50 AM! WTF?)

As for the sports--I definitely don't want to burden him, and I think parents who have kids doing stuff every night of the week are asking too much of their children. But maybe it's a Texan thing, but I'm one of the only parents I know who didn't start their kid in a team sport at three or four, so I keep wondering if I'm retarding Javier's development. I just wish these things were within walking distance or not in the middle of the day. At least I know for sure Jav loves swimming, so we can do that.

Love you too, Shi! Thanks!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

At least he won't have destroyed his anterior cruciate ligaments before he starts school!
(I snapped both of mine playing football.)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Oh, God. Ow! I'm so sorry!

American or British football? Either way, what a hideous injury!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

British.
Oh - and I made a mistake - the second one I did fencing, not playing football ...
I didn't do them both at once, and the first one, it was really painful but I didn't even realise what I'd done till years later, when I had an MRI after I'd done the second.
So, if he plays soccer, tell him it's okay to fall over if someone bigger crashes into you! My mistake was fighting to stay on my feet!

[twistedhilarity.livejournal.com]

"...I'm one of the only parents I know who didn't start their kid in a team sport at three or four, so I keep wondering if I'm retarding Javier's development..."

I would say a resounding 'no,' he sounds like he's happy and healthy and fine. :-) I was near San Francisco when my little one was this age, and all the parents around me do the same thing: everything is starting around age 3-4. Preschool, music lessons, sports, academic tutoring and teaching. We didn't have the money to do the same, so ours weren't.

My oldest is 12 now and I can honestly say that based on my experience, not only will you not retard Javier's development, he's likely to be happier without all the added stress.

Seriously, you should see some of these poor little guys. By the time they're in second grade, they never have any free time to DO anything, or play, or just use their imagination. Everything is always formalized into lessons and classes and practice. It's always someone else in control. Javier sounds MUCH better off.

I think of it like that Christmas wrapper moment when you have a baby and you worry about getting just the right toy. Then the baby is happy as can be playing with the wrapping paper and discovering how it sounds, how it tastes, how shiny it is, etc... And they're learning just as much about the world as they would with the educational toy, only it cost a lot less. :-D

The lessons are just like that toy, you know? Most of the times, kids this young would have been just as happy running around the playground with other kids instead of a formalized soccer game. :-)

[mckaysmonkey.livejournal.com]

Wanna know a secret - the mums who seem so much more organised than you are not more intelligent - just better connected. Odds are they know someone with an older kid at the school.

Don't feel you've failed if your son doesn't get into clubs. Unless he's actually begging you to take him it will probably keep until next year, when you know where everything is.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I don't know--the friend I went to is pretty amazingly organized. :)

At the moment Jav really doesn't have any idea of what he's missing. I just hope he's not upset about it later. Everyone seems to be enrolling their kids in things so young around here, I don't want him to feel he was left out.

[niamh-sage.livejournal.com]

I felt much the same when Emrys started school - I had no idea what we were supposed to do, and felt as if I was the one starting school, instead of him! His teacher was great though, and gave us lots of guidance, and once we got to know some of the parents, that helped too. It's great that you have a friend whose child is starting at the same time - mutual support helps a lot.

The system here for sports is quite different, I think, but I wouldn't worry too much about getting Javier into team sports straight away - school is a big adjustment by itself, so I reckon it'd be totally okay to wait until he's settled in before introducing extracurricular activities.

I think you're a great Mom, the fact that you are concerned about all this stuff shows that. *hugs*

ETA: ps all the other Moms are very likely freaking out too!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ::Hugs back:: Likewise, by the way.

Believe me, I'd worry less about sports if it didn't seem like every kid around here was doing something from the age of three on up. I just don't want Javier to miss out. I'm also a little worried for when he's in grade school and they play baseball or soccer (football) or some other sport during gym or recess and he's the only one who doesn't know the rules. Hopefully he'll have opportunities for this kind of stuff via his school, 'cause I can walk to that. :)

I've never met another parent around here who seemed like they were freaking out. Maybe they just handle the freakouts better. Or maybe they think I'm really with it. Who knows?

[mezzo-cammin.livejournal.com]

I can only echo what everyone above has said. You'll get there, and if you don't, right away, Jav will still be okay. He will! And you will, too!

Trust me. It gets easier as you go. As long as you love him as hard as you can (and you do, that's obvious), you'll both be fine. :O)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I just would hate for him to miss anything, you know? My friend at least was able to tell me that there wasn't any special secret meeting I was missing out on. I just hope that the registration stuff will answer all my questions. I also know that once he's in school it'll be just fine, but the uncertainty is what kills me.

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

I'm not a mom, but my sense is that YOU are as good as you need to be. You care, you're involved, and that is giving him the best start in life he could ever hope for. He won't hold this against you.

There's also good advice in the old adage "fake it until you make it." Those other moms are probably just acting like they know what they're doing. :)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I've always been very bad at faking, unfortunately. But at least I can say that my little guy knows how loved he is. Hopefully that will make up for the angst if he turns around to me two years from now and demands to know why we never put him on a baseball team. :)

[amalthia]

Hugs.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D

[ribbon-purple.livejournal.com]

*Smooches*

Don't worry. You're an awesome mom.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you, R_P. I certainly try. ♥