The Onset of Cognitive Dissonance

[taste_is_sweet]

Otherwise known as how I'm turning 41 this June. Yes, 41. Forty-one. The big 4 - 1. Ol' One and forty.

Aside from finally remembering how to spell 'forty', I've come to the unpleasant understanding that despite how I'm well on my way to decrepitude (occasionally feeling every second of it; believe me), I still almost constantly feel as completely unprepared for the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as my kid, who is seven. Hell, sometimes I feel he's way more together than I'll ever be.

Anyone else feel like that, out there in the blogosphere? Like a total fraud who is going to be discovered for the completely green, soaking-behind-the-ears newbie to life in general that she actually is? At least sometimes?

Of course, I also get to add to it the small but sad daily reminders that I'm no longer 20-something and cute but 40-something and matronly. It certainly doesn't help that I live in a small city where the average age is something like 24, because of the big community college and huge university, each with their multitude of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed boys and girls running around. All of them so cute and vital and young enough to be my offspring.

And yet in my heart of hearts I feel like I've barely made it to 18, which is at least the legal drinking age in Montreal. If I felt like drinking, but I don't have the same tolerance I used to.

Comments

Re: Young at Heart

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you for the comment. It's always a comfort to know I'm not alone with this stuff.

I don't have a bucket list per se, but I can certainly say that I'm definitely not where I thought I'd be 20 years ago. Of course I'm literally where I'd never imagined 20 years ago, but that has been a mixed blessing. Once upon a time I was sure I'd be a well-known science-fiction author by now, but as it turned out my first novel (which is not at all sci-fi) only came out in January.

I also need to fight against stagnation pretty much every day, because sometimes writing original stuff is so terrifying that it's all but impossible. Here's to both of us facing our next birthday smiling!

Where do you live? Maybe we can meet up and buy each other cake. ;)

Re: Young at Heart

[paleom.livejournal.com]

I don't have a list either. Just a vague idea of things I want to do and places I want to see. Congratulations on your novel, even if it's 20 years too late, at least you still managed to achieve it. I live outside Newmarket, near Cambridge. You??

PaleoM
xx

Re: Young at Heart

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I used to live in Mount Albert, outside of Newmarket, Ontario. :D When I first saw the Newmarket, I thought for a second you might have been in the same country! But hey, at least we have the Commonwealth! (Gives high five of Commonwealth.)

Thank you very much on the congratulations. I'm definitely very happy about being published, even if it was later than I'd imagined. :) And I hope you get to do at least some of your list stuff. It's sad that so many things we want to do need money.