...And Sometimes the Cooking is Epic Fail

[taste_is_sweet]

Health warning of the week, O best-beloveds: be careful about using baking soda when you run out of 'Tums'.

This came up because I made applesauce pancakes with Javier for dinner tonight. Now, I'd used the recipe (several months) before and it delivered among the best pancakes I'd ever made, so I figured I was guaranteed success as long as I followed the recipe.

This meant, of course, that when I came to the part of the recipe that asked for two tablespoons of baking soda, I was a little leery--most recipes only call for a teaspoon or two, unless you're planning on making one of those cool baking soda and vinegar volcanoes--but hey, I'd printed it out directly from a website, and I'd made it before and it'd turned out great. So maybe they'd just be extra fluffy. Or something.

(fish_echo is cringing right now, I can tell.)

Jav and I went on cheerfully with adding the eggs and the butter and milk, etc. etc. Javier really enjoyed licking the spatula, and it tasted pretty good to me too, if perhaps a tad salty. But weirdly, when Dom was cooking the pancakes (he always cooks the pancakes. I seem to be constitutionally incapable of cooking pancakes), instead of the light brown, slightly crispy, wonderfully sweet circles of carbohydrate-full apple-y goodness, he got thick, blackened, mushy non-circles of really salty.

Odd, I thought, but I girded my loins and tried a bit of a freshly-scraped off the pan mushy thing. And it was really, really bad. And then it occurred to me to perhaps go back and see if I messed something up in the recipe. And then I remembered my fleeting perplexity about the two tablespoons of baking soda.

oops.

Javier insisted his pancake was delicious. Dom and I were significantly less enthused, despite the liter of maple syrup we dumped on the poor mutant things. But while I was eating the baking soda taste became so unpleasant that I started to wonder not so idly if I might actually be poisoning my child.

Checking around on line using such comforting search terms as 'eating baking soda' and 'baking soda death' did turn up some unpleasant articles about how taking baking soda for indigestion on a very full stomach can make it do a Seven all over your intestines. There was also a miserable news report about a malnourished toddler who died from eating baking soda. Unfortunately there wasn't any readily available information on exactly how much would constitute a deadly amount. I'm assuming it'd be much more than the two tablespoons spread through eight pancakes, but I'm very glad that Javier stopped eating just after a couple of bites. The rest of the pancakes went into the garbage. I hate wasting food, but I'd hate hurting Javier a lot more....

My mom has told a story about how back when my sister and I were young children, we got into a box of baking soda and started eating it. She let us, assuming that it was harmless and if we ate too much we'd just get a stomach ache and throw up. Apparently we did throw up, but I don't remember if it served as an adequate object lesson or not. Funny to think that we could possibly have died. That is, funny-strange. Not funny-funny.

Needless to say, I edited the recipe.

Comments

[katden.livejournal.com]

The Epic Fail of Cooking..
I was, at the insistence of my mother-in-law, "learning" to bake cookies--I was being handed the prestigious duty of making annual cookies for family Christmas gifts.
One recipe called for 4 teaspoons of baking soda....I don't remember which type of cookie......I had not yet learned that tsp. & tblsp. are two VERY different measurements.
No one was poisoned. Not even the dogs would eat them.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you avoided accidentally poisoning your entire family.

It took me forever to figure out the tsp/tbs difference too, so I can feel your pain. :)

[katden.livejournal.com]

I actually do pretty good if measurements aren't abbreviated ;-) otherwise I am befuddled.

[lalalaleigha.livejournal.com]

1. STOMACHS CAN BURST?

2. Part of why I cook only where necessary is because my lack of knowledge about what things will BURST YOUR STOMACH and other such catastrophes. Thanks for the info. I'm terrified of poisoning my future family.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

1) They can, though from the article, it seems like you kind of have to work at it. And hey, just don't use bicarbonate of soda as an antacid and you'll be fine. And don't watch the movie Seven. Seriously. Seriously. Don't.

2) Cooking is actually really fun, I swear! And it's honestly almost impossible to kill (or even maim) anyone with standard ingredients, I promise!

[innana88.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the pancakes, but sodium bicarbonate is THE best gas remedy out there. I think it is necessary to check to see what the ratio of baking soda to water is supposed to be.

This is the gas-remedy dialogue that ensues in my household when I have gas:

Dad: Oh, got gas, honey? I'm sorry. Drink some baking soda and water.
Mom: (simultaneously) Awwww. Go smoke a cigarette. You'll feel better.

Okay. I staged it a bit differently, but that is, in fact, the remedy they each offer.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how much I laughed at that. Thank you. :D

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

uh wow! TWO TABLESPOONS!??? I think that recipe is ... trying to kill you! :)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

No...just taste really, really bad. But I am glad that my son decided not to eat more than a bite. Don't blame him.

[wpadmirer.livejournal.com]

YUCK! Sorry to hear the pancakes turned out so horribly. Also, weird to know about baking soda. I have never in my life used it as an antacid, despite the massive problems I have had with indigestion all my life.

Glad now!

WP

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Yes, it seems a little too much of a risk for me, despite the rarity of the injury.

I appreciate your sympathy. Luckily the sausages turned out fine. :)

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

That's too bad, because applesauce pancakes sound delicious!!

Of course, maybe if that guy hadn't eaten an amount of food the size of a small horse, his tummy wouldn't have burst! I've only used baking soda a couple of times for indigestion - it does work really well - but like a spoonful in a full glass of water, of when I then drink maybe half. Usually it's Tums.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

They were delicious the first time we tried them. Hopefully next time they'll come out well. I found the recipe on the net, but I'm afraid I don't remember where, or I'd link it for you. But I'm sure if you do a search for 'applesauce pancakes' you'll find it, or one just as good.

I agree about the amount of food the man consumed having contributed to what happened to him. There was just no place for anything else to go. Ugh.

[fish-echo.livejournal.com]

Whenever I want to know about the toxicity of some chemical, I look up the [MSDS (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Material_safety_data_sheet)] for that chemical (generally findable by googling 'msds [chemical name]'), but that is probably because I have known too many chemists in my time. (They tell me that there is an MSDS for plain old water and that it is hysterical to read because it is very seriously going on about how much one must imbibe before it is lethal and wither or not it is flammable and what you shouldn't have in contact with it and it is water!)

And I was cringing in sympathy! I have done that before! I have, in fact, done many stupid things in the kitchen before! I am sure that I shall continue to do so, too! Have I ever told you of the time I made a cream soup for company and it was about the consistency of a thick glue? I was embarrassed the entire meal. (Luckily the company were friends and not people I was trying to impress. And also, it tasted fine. Just, it could have been the mortar in a bread-pudding castle.)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I certainly appreciate your sympathy. :) and MSDS sounds like a terrific resource, especially with a small child. I don't want to be calling poison control for baking soda when it's just two tablespoons, you know? If he'd (God forbid!) eaten a whole box, that would have been different.

I wonder what happened to the soup? I figure though, that as long as something tastes good, the consistency can be forgiven. :)