Space Aliens! YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!

Via the ever-awesome Mary Sue, as usual, comes the first trailer for the new Universal Movie, Battleship.

Yes, that Battleship.

The movie's based on the board game by Milton Bradley, which is currently owned by Hasbro.

(It will probably come as a surprise to no one that Hasbro also owns the Transformers, or that there are already movies in the works for the board games Risk and Candy Land, also owned by the same company. I can't wait until we see the trailer for the Play-Doh movie, or Hungry, Hungry Hippos:

"What is that?"

"It appears to be a giant alien...DEAR GOD, THOSE TEETH!"

"Their necks can elongate! Run! RUN!")

I do feel I should give props to the writer, who must have sweated little plastic bullets that looked like submarines in order to give an actual plot to this movie. Apparently our hero is a terribly original golden boy (white, naturally, because there are no PoC in the American military)/never-do-well, in love with his CO's daughter (as blonde, blonde, blonde, skimpily clad and generally useless to the plot as anyone could hope for). But he won't get Liam Neeson his CO's permission to marry her because of his never-do-well-ness.

In fact, he's about to be kicked out of the Navy! He has one last set of military exercises before his career will come to a swift and inglorious end.

Or not! Because naturally the instant they get out into international waters, his chance for Redemption and Heroics literally surfaces in the form of SPACE ALIENS! Yes! And then some big loud effect happens and someone yells that THEIR RADAR HAS GONE DOWN OMG and that's pretty much when I started laughing.

I've watched the trailer twice (it's made of win! How could I not?) and so far I really can't tell if the Japanese, with whom the US was doing the exercise, actually stay present in the movie let alone do anything. There is one female military person in the trailer who may or may not have lines; I expect she dies. And the hero is so generic looking that I honestly can't tell when he's doing stuff or if it's some other guy.

James Cameron thinks the movie will suck, but I think that's just because he's too shallow and narrow-minded to understand it. Real art will always have its haters.

And Liam Neeson! Who is obviously following the Nicolas Cage method of rounding out his career. Maybe he'll also be in Hungry, Hungry Hippos.