taste_is_sweet | Watch it, buddy--that spider belongs to Jesus.

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Watch it, buddy--that spider belongs to Jesus.

(Psst! Don't forget to tell me a strange story and win a book!)

To say that the small city I live in is home to a majority of practicing Christians would be kind of like saying if you visit Israel you might find some Jews. This is a city where it's common to see businesses promoting themselves with the fish symbol for Christians

, or a big sign saying, 'I ♥ Jesus' on the wall in my son's preschool. I've been asked repeatedly if I believe in God during casual conversations. Once I had to explain to a teacher that the Torah doesn't normally include the New Testament.

With this as his daily environment, it's not terribly surprising that Javier has come home from school to solemnly announce that "Jesus is rainbow-coloured," and to make sure I know that Jesus can fly. He drew a picture of a church as a gift for his teacher (the one with the 'I ♥ Jesus' sign), and she gave him a hug and asked him if he went to church too.

Last Wednesday, a very large but completely harmless wolf spider came crawling across the kitchen floor right where Javier was removing his shoes. He did his usual 'I-think-I'm-culturally-required-to-react-like-this' cringe and scream thing then watched until it disappeared under the shoe shelf, doubtless to end up as a snack for one of the cats.

Then Javier said, "Spiders belong to Jesus."

Dom and I looked at each other.

"You mean, Jesus made spiders?" I tried, thinking that either Jav or one of his friends at school had misremembered the creation story from the Bible, and wondering how I could steer the conversation (again) to Mommy and Daddy's atheism while still encouraging Jav's belief in magic and Santa Claus. (Early childhood is all about cognitive dissonance. Don't look at me like that.)

"No," Javier said. "Jesus didn't make spiders. They belong to him. And ants."

"Who told you this?" I asked, now confused as hell.

It turned out it was his teacher, and after several more minutes of circular questions and answers and a very frustrated five-year old, the flummoxed parents were finally told this:

One of my kid's classmates at school had purposely stepped on some ants. The teacher had told him not to, because ants belong to Jesus. I'm afraid I don't remember how Jesus ended up being the patron saint of Arachnids as well; it's possible Jav's teacher said so, or Jav decided it himself since spiders are also freaky and creepy-crawly. It's horrible! It must belong to Jesus!

His teacher didn't say why Jesus has this particular relationship with arthropods however, which is where my brain exploded. I ended up fumbling around a simplified version of why some people might think that Jesus owns the world by proxy until Javier's eyes glazed over and he asked if he could watch TV.

I'm sure that at this point Javier thinks that Jesus was a real man who was killed because he was rainbow-coloured and who lives in the sky but not really and who can't grant wishes because you need rainbows to make a wish, except Jesus is rainbow-coloured so maybe he can, and he doesn't own the world but does own ants and spiders and lived a Long Time Ago but not when the world was a baby world and there were dinosaurs.

I'll just be over here contemplating the psychiatrist bills. And mopping up my brain.

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owwww! Too bad there aren't any Hebrew schools near you for Javier to attend.

I've thought of that myself! But honestly I would rather he could go to a truly secular school and be freer to decide for himself what he wanted to believe when he was older.

Hugs, there is a fine tradition of Jewish atheism. Maybe turn that to "All creatures are worthy of love and respect, because they are alive."

Thank you. :D I have tried to teach him that, and I definitely know his teacher's heart is in the right place. I just feel badly that my son is getting all this confusing, contrary information, but I can't not tell him what I know and believe.

http://www.shj.org/gift.htm

This site may help if you need support.

Thank you!

*g* Oh, parenthood. Wow, my brain hurts and I grew up a preacher's kid. I can't believe his teacher is allowed to teach religion in school.

And technically, according to the Bible, the world belongs to Satan because Adam and Eve messed up and screwed us all over. Jesus is our way back to God. I have no idea where bugs fit in to it.

Miss you, sweetie!

Miss you, too!

His school doesn't actually teach religion per se--it just doesn't forbid the teachers from expressing their religion in the classroom. I'm just glad the whole Satan thing hasn't come up yet. Hopefully it won't.

The world is confusing enough when you're an adult, eh?

Oh God, I do not envy you the Santa conversation.

But speaking of Christmas awesomeness, I got a call from my Mom today. Apparently there's a box at her house from a certain person with my name on it. :oD

It's killing me that I have to wait a week before I can open it. I'm so excited! But at least it give me time to finish up your gift and get all the cookies made before I'm bombarded with family stuff.

And guess what? IT'S SNOWING!! \o/

Well, the only good thing about all this is the teacher seems to told them not to kill an ant for no reason.

But Adam Ant could have told them that!

::snort:: Praise Adam!

Yeah, I will say I definitely appreciated the lesson in that. I heartily agree that we should leave animals alone unless we don't have a choice about it, even the horrid fire ants that are everywhere around here.

whoa, I think I need to go take some really good drugs and contemplate this story about a rainbow Jesus who owns all the spiders in the world, but I think that might end up being a bad trip...:D

LOL Rainbow Jesus owns all the spiders in the world--I wish I could put that into a story. :D

But if Jesus is a rainbow, doesn't that lead to endorsement of the gay lifestyle and wouldn't everyone's heads explode or something if that got out?

I still remember a Baptist neighbor who home-schooled her kids telling me about the award her son got from his basketball team - "Most Christ-like". Years later and I'm still WTF'ing over that one.

I'm certain that homosexuality is so far off their radar here (excuse the pun) that they'd be astonished that Rainbows represented anything other than 'God's Promise' not to murder everyone on Earth again in another flood. (And seriously--what's up with that? He killed every single thing on the planet except for one family and a boat, but it's okay because he said he wasn't going to do it again? What?)

I wonder how you get to be a Christ-like basketball player. Passing to your teammates? Letting the opposite team nail you to the bleachers?

*grinning wickedly*

When I was in second or third grade, the neighbor boys wouldn't stop squishing ants needlessly (we were outside). This went on for weeks and I hated it. I tried to reason with them, I begged, I pleaded, I probably cried; nothing I could say or do would stop the senseless massacre. Finally, at a total loss for what else to do to get them to stop, I solemnly told them that even ants were God's creatures and that killing them when they were causing them no harm was murder in God's eyes and that they would go to hell. Of course, I believed none of this myself, but that sure as shit stopped them. :)

You are so awesome. :D Not to mention really, really clever.

Not that you'd be wrong, if there were a God to care about ants.

owwwie.. makes your brain hurt.. reminds me of my school days in the Church of England infants school. Took me a good while to get round some of the ideology (evolution vs creationism??? if there was creationism then why were there no dinosaurs on the ark??? I broke the vicar with that one he couldn't explain it). I was lucky in that my parents were willing to sit down and talk about the whole thing (including the reasons behind why the vicar and teachers were saying the things they were) which allowed me to work it all out in the end.

I hope it all comes together in a satisfactory way for everyone. it isn't an easy thing to have to sort out.

Thank you--and your parents sound really cool. I hope I'll be able to help Javier sort this all out. And hopefully he won't be pissed about all of it when he's older.

But I have to say, your vicar was a lightweight. There were no dinosaurs on the arc because they all drowned, just like the unicorns. Everyone knows that! ;->

I'm a (liberal) Christian - have been all my life, went to Sunday School, a Church of England secondary (ie junior high/high school), etc - and I'm confused by all that.

What hope is there for five-year-olds? o.0

Though getting killed "because he was rainbow coloured" makes about as much sense as the accusations and trial reported in the Gospels.

This reminds me of the RE lesson I taught with eight-year-olds where some were very confused about the difference between God and Santa. We were writing prayers (it was part of the syllabus) and a lot were of the "Dear God, please can I have a puppy" variety. :D The lesson came to a premature end when one boy yelled out, "It doesn't matter what you write because God isn't real anyway." lol

That story about letters to God/Santa and the atheist boy cutting to the quick is fantastic. Good on the kid for not being afraid to say what he believed, too, though I doubt his classmates appreciated it. ;->

I personally don't believe in a God per se, but I also feel that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of in our philosophy, so to speak. Hopefully Javier will also be able to come to his own satisfying ideas about the universe when he's older. Right now, however, his biggest concern is whether Santa will bring him everything he wants for Christmas. Hee.

Jordan (the kid in that story) was both great... and a real pain in the neck to have in class. *I* didn't really appreciate his argument - logical and clever as it is - because he went on to use it to justify having written the prayer, "Dear God, please kill James," in his exercise book - and James *saw* it. Ruckus in the classroom. He did not agree with me that it might not matter what you say to God, but it *does* still matter what you say and/or write about people. :|

One of the reasons I like the Unitarian Church I attend (though from what I can gather, things are different in US Unitarianism) is that while it is rooted in Christianity, ALL spiritual paths are welcomed and explored. Unitarians I know range from liberal Christians who haven't found a denomination they agree with, through pagans, to Buddhists, to agnostics: anyone who wants to explore human spirituality and feels the need for "something" even if they have no idea what that something is. No one tells you what to think or believe and you write your own "Creed".

The one thing I actually agree with Professor Richard Dawkins (famous UK scientist and "evangelical" atheist: he wrote a book - "The God Delusion" - in which he argued that, like "voices", or serious adult belief in fairies and unicorns, belief in God should be seen as a fracture in the brain/mind; a sign of madness. I don't agree with MUCH he has to say about faith and religion!) is that it is ludicrous to describe a CHILD as Christian or Muslim or whatever (Jewish is slightly different because it has cultural and ethnic values too). Since children (pretty much by definition) do not have the intellectual or emotional maturity to reach a final concusion on the matter, the faiths in which they are being brought up are as much "theirs" as their parents' politics are.

I think the best thing both parents and schools can do is teach children the processes of thought and enquiry and give them the freedom to draw their own conclusions. It's wonderful that your hope for Javier is just that - it's so easy to hope that our kids will agree with us. :)

I hope you, and your husband, and Jav have a wonderful time over the Holidays.

(BTW: did you see that I belatedly replied to your comment on my LJ, in that rather involved discussion we're having?)

Hey, you! I am not so great at replying as usual, but here I am...

Interestingly enough I stumbled across the website for the local Universalist-Unitarian church yesterday when I was looking for information on children's choirs (Javier loves to sing, but we can't find vocal lessons here for a kid his age). This church has a children's choir. When I started reading about who they were and what they believed, I was really, really surprised. There are apparently atheists in the congregation, and apparently no one believes that Jesus was the son of God. Amazing. Reading the website articles, it occurred to me that my personal beliefs seem to match very closely to this particular church, which is something I never thought I'd say.... But I wouldn't mind Javier being part of that.

Thank you for what you said about Javi--I of course do hope he'll agree with my values and beliefs, but as long as he's healthy and happy I've already promised myself to stand back and let him be his own person. :)

I hope you had great holidays, too! I think I wasn't informed about that LJ comment, actually, so thank you for pointing it out. And again I apologize for not answering right away.

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Watch it, buddy--that spider belongs to Jesus.

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Love the appropriate angel icon...

Re: Love the appropriate angel icon...

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Tripping with Rainbow Jesus...

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Most Christ-Like Basketball Player? Definite WTF...

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