You're Gonna Need a Bigger [CENSORED]

[taste_is_sweet]

I tell ya, O, best-beloveds, sometimes I think that Americans have a hell of a lot of trouble with the metric system.

Now, I readily admit that the basis for my hypothesis is pretty thin (compelling argument though it is, the loss of NASA's Mars Orbiter due to engineers using imperial units instead of metric happened way back in 1999). But when I come across conversion errors, they tend to be kind of mind-boggling.

Like the sci-fi book I read some years ago, where the narrator was describing that 18 degrees Celsius was cold enough for his breath to mist. That's around 64 Fahrenheit, which is definitely too warm for ice crystals. Unless the author actually meant 18 degrees kelvin, which is -255 C or -427 F, in which case, yes. Definitely breath misting. And a much shorter novel due to the protagonist instantly freezing to death.

Admittedly, that novel was also published in the 90s, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and you couldn't just type '18 degrees C in F' and get an instant answer. But in 2012, there was no excuse for messing up the metric versus imperial thing. And yet, the sci-fi novel I'm currently reading was first published in 2012, and messed it up within the first few pages.

Overall, I've been enjoying Gravitational Attraction by Angel Martinez immensely. Unlike loads of other M/M novels, there are very cool female characters in it, and the main character isn't white. And so far the plot's compelling with H/C in spades (which, you may remember, I love like kittens).

Pictured with his girlfriend Nicole Alexander, who is 5' 2" (1.57 m). She can literally climb him like a tree.

But--and you knew there was one--the love interest is described at being "well over" two meters tall. Well over two meters, people. And yet, somehow, the crew of the space courier that rescues the guy can find pants long enough for him. Though really, as a reader that was the least of my concerns.

Here's the thing: Two meters is 6 feet, 7 inches. "Well over" that is getting into Shaquille O'Neal territory (He's 7' 1", which is 2.16 meters).

Unfortunately, so far the novel hasn't said how tall the protagonist is, but he's clearly of Japanese descent and described as slender and obviously smaller than his giant boyfriend. So I'm going to guess not much over 5' 10" or 1.78 m (As of 2004, the average height in Japan was 5' 6" or 1.59 meters, so I'm being generous).

This is close to what it would look like, as demonstrated by Peter Meyhew, who is 7' 2" (2.19 m) and Harrison Ford, who is a mere 6' 1" (1.85 m):

You gotta admit though, it is kind of adorable.

I'm not sure if that discrepancy is what the author intended, especially if his or her slender, small protagonist is shorter than Harrison Ford. Which he probably is. Especially as I'm fairly certain the size difference wouldn't end at height, so to speak.

Because, if the apparently seven-foot tall love interest is, shall we say, proportionate everywhere (and there was specific mention made of him being lucky to find a pair of boots that fit. And you know what they say about men's foot sizes), then, well. I just hope he goes for a lot of preparation, that's all I'm saying. I mean, sure, Shaq is obviously not pulling a Vlad the Impaler on Nicole every time they knock boots (which they can't, because he's too tall). But, you know, babies come out of there; there's a certain amount of leeway.

Not quite so much with the menfolk, I'm thinking. And ass-babies only exist in fanfic.

So, either the author is going with the reverse meaning of 'size doesn't matter' (that's a myth, for all my SGA homies), or 'two meters' doesn't mean what he or she thinks it means. Either way, like a hapless NASA orbiter in the hands of Lockheed Martin engineers, there's going to be a lot of crashing and burning. Or at least burning.

Definitely a lot of burning.

Comments

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Flailing with hilarity, and requiring an icon that has a relationship to the word "extreme".

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

:D Glad to make you smile. I was pretty O.o when I read that, let me tell you. Especially when I got to the pants and boots thing and I realized that the author probably didn't actually intend for the hero to be that freaking tall. I mean, 6 foot 5 is taller than Thor, for Pete's sake (in the MCU anyway). That's gotta be enough, right?

[amalthia]

omg, I don't think I laughed this hard in months! Loved your observations. :)

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :D This stuff drives me crazy, so I'm happy I could make people laugh by ranting about it.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

OUCH!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Exactly! :)

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

You've made me wince and giggle at the same time. *g*

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

:D Thank you. Glad to do so.

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

::giggles::

Now see, if I read that same book it wouldn't bother me at all because I have no clue when it comes to measurements and the conversion thereof. Seeing it explained like that, though, is really hilarious. Because how hard is it to do a bit of research?

Any time I have had Rodney use meters instead of feet I always looked it up to be sure. Because I know there are Canadians reading my stuff ready to take me to task. ::grins::

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

And I thank you on behalf of all Canadians. :D

To be fair, I had to look up the conversions myself for this--I actually though that two meters was already over seven feet, just not almost seven feet, for example. But either way it's damn tall.

But it really wasn't that difficult to find. :)

[blythechild.livejournal.com]

I once dated a guy who was a foot and a half taller than me and it was disastrous. Honestly, I quit the whole damned thing when I realized that I'd have to grow 6 inches just to get him to take me seriously about the sex >:/

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about that part! But I'm glad you got out before you were permanently maimed. :)

[danceswithgary]

*giggles*

We are hopeless with the metric system.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

We love you anyway!

(And luckily there's the interweebs.)

[wanted-a-pony.livejournal.com]

< snrk > Ah, gods, I snorkled so loud I almost hurt myself.
Yeah, back in the day, my spouse was 6'3" & I was 5'4". It made quite a few things impractical or impossible (without pre-planning). ;-)

I try to stay conscious of metric scales because the DH's family is Canadian & they don't hesitate to point & laugh at Stupid American Ignorances, but I still have to look virtually everything up. :-(

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Hey, I grew up in the True North Strong and Free, and I still have to look everything up! Hell, after living in Texas for almost 14 years I find certain measurements much, much easier to visualize in imperial than metric.

Congratulations on netting yourself a Canuck, btw. We're pretty cool. ;) Literally, even, depending on location and time of year.

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

butchering of the metric system always jar me, too... your husband is probably like me where we have references in both metric and imperial units: I know the outside temperature in Celsius, but the water temperature of the pool in Fahrenheit, distances between cities in Km and speed in KM/h, but don't tell me someone is 2 meter tall, I have no idea, we use foot and inches...

i loved the photographic evidence to illustrate your point!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :) I knew about Shaquille and Nicole, but finding that picture of Meyhew and Ford was wonderful serendipity.

Sounds like you and I are close in age--the government switched to metric when I was in late grade school, and certain measurements--like height and some weights--make more sense to me in imperial. Distances and speeds are in km and km/hr (at least when I'm in Canada), but cooking measures are imperial.