taste_is_sweet | And she returns with an epiphany. (Not her epiphany.)

Sunday evening, my beloved and almost nine-year old child suddenly realized that I'm a separate person.

I know that totally sounds like the response should be, 'no kidding'. And that's kind of true. It's not like he hasn't known for years that we don't always want the same things (with many, many time outs to support that hypothesis), or that we don't hold the same opinions or enjoy the same stuff.

This ability is apparently called Folk Psychology, which isn't quite as condescending as it sounds. It refers to the ability most humans gain by age 3 or 4, of interpreting others' mental states. More importantly, it also refers to the ability of most humans to recognize that others have mental states.

All babies and toddlers are selfish little fucks. They have to be since they can't meet their own needs, let alone anyone else's. Sure, that baby might hand you her semi-masticated goldfish crackers, but that's because she wants you to take them, not because she wants you to have them. Nothing a pre-kindergarten kid does is personal, no matter how infuriating. It can't be, because they literally can't care less.

**They also evolved adorableness so we won't feed them to the wolves.**

And then they get older (::cough thank God cough::), and roughly a million time-outs later they understand that, whoa, you're not the same person.

But there's understanding, and then there's understanding, and the latter is what hit my kid like a ton of bricks the other night. He told me it even made his hands shake, that's how big a deal it was to him. He realized, on a level he never had before, that mommy had: "a mind in your own body", to quote the way he said it.

He'd known for years that I wasn't him, but on Sunday he figured out that I'm a separate, unique individual, just as much as he is. A small distinction that's also astonishingly huge at the same time.

The funny thing is, I got hit by the same ton of bricks when he was a baby, when I really got it that this little guy had his own agenda (yes, I used the word 'agenda', like we were superpowers in a spy movie). An agenda that was completely different from mine. He'd grown inside me, but he wasn't me. And sure, I'd known that, but I didn't know it--until I suddenly did. And now nine years later, he's just figured out the same thing.

And yes, I love the irony about having that in common. ;)

The picture is 'Baby Girl Playing Toy' by Tratong at Free Digital Photos.net

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Ha, I remember when I had that epiphany too! Only for me I guess it was developing the ability to empathize with other people, to put myself in another person's place and feel what they were feeling. I guess I was about six, and it alarmed me so much I remember asking my mom if that was normal and everybody could do it. (She must have found this hilarious.) To me at the time, it felt like suddenly developing telepathy.

That's such a great story!

I know for sure that Javier was already able to empathize with others, but I think his revelation was similar to yours in that he was suddenly aware that he was aware of it, if that makes any sense. It does sound similar to your epiphany, realizing that you were empathizing, instead of just doing it.

You can practically see the neurons forming. It's awesome.

I have a similar story to Sholio and remember being horrified that the other kids didn't seem to get it. I was seriously concerned that they were all going to turn out like the Sheriff of Nottingham. Hey, my range of reference was small. *g*

I'm impressed that you knew about the Sheriff of Nottingham!

It seems to me that what happened to you is that you realized you were empathizing, as well as just doing it, which is a pretty awesome meta revelation. I'm not sure if Javier's epiphany is the same as that, just later for him, or something related but different.

It's amazing how much awareness we take for granted, when obviously we have to literally grow into it.

I wish I could remember if I ever had that moment as a kid. I don't have children, so it's interesting to hear about your experiences :)

This was something I had not thought about, and it was a revelation to me as well that the separation from your parent, which I knew to be a fluid process as the child grows to understand they have their own persona, can have such an intense moment of things really hitting home.Thanks for sharing this :)

You're very welcome!

I'm sure you did have a similar moment, but probably don't remember it. I hope that Javier will, just because it was so huge for him at the time.

It did feel strange for me that as someone who had understood her separateness from others for decades, that it was a revelation that my son was really and truly a separate person. I love the fact that Javier got that now; but it makes me wonder when or if I first realized it as a child myself. :)

Interesting. I can't remember a time when I didn't know that my agenda was different from anyone else's - and I have a good memory. I wonder why that is?

Possibly because it was never an issue? I mean, I'm sure Javier has always known he had a separate agenda (still love that term), but this was the fist time it really hit him that I had one too, you know?

Aw, this is nice to read. <3

Thank you. :D I'm sure you'll be dealing with something like it yourself eventually.

This whole post made me laugh like a maniac at my desk this morning. Now I'm going to be reassuring my co-workers all day that I'm not planning world domination or something.

So, thanks for that ;)

You're very welcome. I'm glad it made you laugh.

Though I'm not sure you're not planning world domination... ::eyes you::

I don't think Xander has had that epiphany yet, and he's two years older than Jav. Or if it has worked it out he didn't feel it worth mentioning to me.

Then again, I'm still working it out myself. I'm still sometimes surprised by things he knows that I don't think he should. I often find myself saying, "How do you know about that?" Like it's a huge surprise that he has friends and the ability to watch every single video on YouTube, so he's bound to pick things up on his own that I haven't taught him specifically.

Parenthood is weird.

Parenthood is totally weird. ::Nods:: I still get surprised by what Javier knows, whether or not I know how he learned it!

You should ask Xander about it--he probably did have a similar epiphany, but just never told you. Or never needed it to be an epiphany in the first place. :) I mean, Javier is extremely used to me meeting all his needs--it wouldn't surprise me if it seemed natural for me to still be an extension of his awesome little self. :)

And she returns with an epiphany. (Not her epiphany.)

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