Sometimes I just want a grown-up to look after me. And then I remember I am one.

[taste_is_sweet]

My son is supposed to be starting kindergarten in August at the local school. I realize this isn't such a big deal--my child is hardly the first five year-old to do this--but I get anxious if I don't feel like I know exactly what I should be doing, especially when someone is depending on me. And even though the stupid school is within walking distance of my house, I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

Apparently the registration will be some time in May, but there's no info on that yet. There is also a special bilingual Spanish/English kindergarten I'd like to get my son into, but I have no idea about that, either. Apparently I need to do something to get his language abilities appraised, but I don't know how to do that, either. The website for the school board is about as unintuitive for me as a grad-level physics class, and the pages for the local school aren't any better. And all I was able to find out when I called the school was that I needed to keep checking the website.

So I've contacted a friend of mine who will also be sending her child to the same kindergarten and who is the one who told me about the bilingual classes in the first place. She always knows what to do for things like this, or the magic words or links to use to get the information if she doesn't. I don't know why she's so much better at these things than I am, but she is. At least she can help me. I hope.

Meanwhile, I'm so upset about my inability to find out this simple information that everyone should be able to know that I'm sitting here in tears. My son needs me to know this stuff and I don't know anything. I'm meant to be an adult but I can't even navigate the fucking local school board. And there are so many things I could have enrolled him in but I haven't--sports clubs, sports lessons, extra-curricular activities--and one of the big reasons I haven't is because it scares me. I'd have to get him there and I don't drive. I'd have to deal with all the other suburban parents who always seem to know what the hell they're doing when I feel like I never do. I don't really want to be a soccer or softball or whatever mom, but meanwhile Jav isn't getting to play in a team sport. At least we'll get him swimming lessons once the pools open. I suppose that's something.

Sometimes I really wish I just had someone who would always be able to tell me what to do. Mostly I just wish I was better. At everything.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Does he even want to play a team sport?
He's only five. I'd have thought starting a new school and then having to play loads of sports afterwards might be a bit intimidating - won't he just want to come home, at least at first? Then if he decides he wants to play, surely you can enrol him next season?

I'm sure your a good mum - you clearly care very much, which is the main thing.

[alyse]

Welcome to motherhood. Seriously. We all feel like that - I've yet to meet a mother who didn't think that she was failing in some ways and that every other mother she ever met seemed to be so much better put together, and organised, and able to bake cookies, co-ordinate vast sleepovers, organise the fundraising sale and still have time to dress perfectly.

Most of us just muddle through somehow, and schools, in particular, are a special circle of hell. My parents were both teachers, and I still can't figure out what the school is up to half the time.

[shi-shi2525.livejournal.com]

Aw, honey, relax. Javi is 5 -- he doesn't have to be in team sports -- he's not missing anything! Let him be a little kid without having every hour of his day scheduled. He'll get plenty of exercise at school during lunch, playtime and recess. He's not gonna be a lump.

It's no big deal or 'wrong' to walk him to school every day -- that's par for the course with little ones. The first day get there about 10-15 minutes early to mingle with the other kids.

Look, I owe you a long ass email. I'll continue in that -- you're a wonderful mom, so don't sit there berating yourself.

Love you, sweetie! Hugs!

[mckaysmonkey.livejournal.com]

Wanna know a secret - the mums who seem so much more organised than you are not more intelligent - just better connected. Odds are they know someone with an older kid at the school.

Don't feel you've failed if your son doesn't get into clubs. Unless he's actually begging you to take him it will probably keep until next year, when you know where everything is.

[niamh-sage.livejournal.com]

I felt much the same when Emrys started school - I had no idea what we were supposed to do, and felt as if I was the one starting school, instead of him! His teacher was great though, and gave us lots of guidance, and once we got to know some of the parents, that helped too. It's great that you have a friend whose child is starting at the same time - mutual support helps a lot.

The system here for sports is quite different, I think, but I wouldn't worry too much about getting Javier into team sports straight away - school is a big adjustment by itself, so I reckon it'd be totally okay to wait until he's settled in before introducing extracurricular activities.

I think you're a great Mom, the fact that you are concerned about all this stuff shows that. *hugs*

ETA: ps all the other Moms are very likely freaking out too!

[mezzo-cammin.livejournal.com]

I can only echo what everyone above has said. You'll get there, and if you don't, right away, Jav will still be okay. He will! And you will, too!

Trust me. It gets easier as you go. As long as you love him as hard as you can (and you do, that's obvious), you'll both be fine. :O)

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

I'm not a mom, but my sense is that YOU are as good as you need to be. You care, you're involved, and that is giving him the best start in life he could ever hope for. He won't hold this against you.

There's also good advice in the old adage "fake it until you make it." Those other moms are probably just acting like they know what they're doing. :)

[amalthia]

Hugs.

[ribbon-purple.livejournal.com]

*Smooches*

Don't worry. You're an awesome mom.