taste_is_sweet: (And he will actually kill you)
Hello, my beauties, and Happy Friday! Monday the March Break officially begins and I will be going to Canada with my kid to visit the fam. It should be awesome.

While I readily admit that I, too, can be at times almost as awesome as a trip to Canada to visit the fam, I am, as I'm fairly sure you're aware, human and therefore extremely fallible. Occasionally more fallible than your average bear, so to speak. There have been times, I admit, when the only thing keeping my mouth shut or my fingers still is the fact that I don't like hurting peoples' feelings. I am a big adherent to the rule that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all (or just hit the back button). I've also gotten pretty good at keeping things to myself.

All that typed, between you and me there have been many, many times with I've just wished I could, for example, leave a comment on someone's fic or their post that completely represented what I was thinking. Now, I would never actually do that (see above). I'm not generally a mean person and life is too short not to be nice.

But. And I hope I'm not alone in this, but. That hasn't stopped me from compiling a list of things I could say, but have and will not. I've included it here, because I can.

I hope some of you might unleash your baser selves and contribute in the comments, bearing in mind that this is nothing but venting, not aimed at anyone. Just devilish self-indulgence that I won't partake in out loud again.

I just think that we're entitled to what we feel, and allowed to feel things even if they're bad. The point is not to inflict those feelings on anyone else. Which is why they're under a cut.

But if you'd like to join me, there's plenty of room on the dark side. And we have cookies.
Mind the gap. )
Thank you for your forbearance and understanding. Now I'm going to take a shower.
taste_is_sweet: (Harlock Skull)
This was written for [livejournal.com profile] wordsinthebrain. The prompt was 'Invasion'. The Train isn't my idea, and was used with the creator's permission (you can check out the other passengers via the 'the Train' tag at the community).

2232 words; warnings for heavily implied death and violence. Hover over the French words for a translation.

Cliff wants to ask what the hell’s waiting for him at his stop, that the kid’s still this fucking scared. You don’t ask, though. Not in this car. Maybe the other passengers do, but in this car they know better. )

Betaed by the lovely, talented and extremely generous [livejournal.com profile] brumeier, considering I make her cry all the time.
taste_is_sweet: (Please be Advised)
I'm just going to say it: this post has no redeeming social value whatsoever, and is entirely AmyCat's and foxfireflamequeen's fault. Because blaming people is fun.

It's their fault because FoxFire said I should watch the 2015 Man from U.N.C.L.E. movie, which I'd wanted to do anyway. But still. And AmyCat asked me if it was any good.

Yes, AmyCat, it was good. Not going to lie, though. The best part of the movie is this guy:

Plus, he's tall enough to see space.
Looks like a cinnamon roll; will actually kill you

Meet Illya Kuryakin, as played by Armie Hammer with those big, soulful eyes. He has an admirable work ethic and breathtaking anger management issues, as perfectly illustrated in his and Napoleon Solo's (played by Henry Cavill) first conversation.



In short, he is an absolute, giant bae. This is almost literally the conversation I had with my husband while watching that scene in the cafe:

Me: I had no idea Henry Cavill was that hot.

Husband: That's Armie Hammer. Henry Cavill's the other one.

Me: The hot one is Armie Hammer?

It was a reasonable error, because Henry Cavill is blandly good looking and I'd only seen Armie Hammer when he was blandly good looking in The Lone Ranger, where he was upstaged by Johnny Depp and a horse. Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger was fine. Pleasant. I'd go so far as to say not unattractive. But definitely nothing to write home about. Pretty much like the entire Lone Ranger movie.

Illya, however, has an accent, painful backstory and mental health concerns. And he doesn't lose fights. Ever. He's perfect.






Yes, in the second one you saw him push a motorcycle frame off himself, then carry it down a hill and throw it at someone. That's not his only super power either. In the beginning of the movie, Illya dodges bullets (as you do), runs down Solo's car on foot and then rips the trunk hood off with his bare hands. But it was the motorcycle-toss that got me thinking. Specifically about this guy:



And especially this one:



Here's the thing--it never made sense for me that the KGB/Red Room/Hydra would only create one Winter Soldier, or stop trying to perfect their version of the Super Soldier serum after it worked on Bucky Barnes. Even if you go with Bucky having global amnesia when the Russians find him (as in the comics), they go to a hell of a lot of trouble with building a memory erasing machine just for one guy. And we know from season two of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. that there's more than one way to skin a cat make someone happy to comply via brainwashing.

So I've decided that Illya Kuryakin is another Winter Soldier.

Oh, for sure he's not in the same league. He's not about to walk off bridges or kick guys into jet engines. But unlike the original, Illya can act like an ordinary human, albeit one with extraordinary talents, because he has memories. The Winter Soldier is the ruthless, unstoppable stuff of nightmares because he's more a weapon than a man. Illya Kuryakin is one of the best spies the Soviet Union ever produced, because he's still a person. He can work in a team; he can have emotional ties; he doesn't have to stay in the shadows like a ghost. And if he risks falling out of his programming, all his handlers have to do is kindle a reset via psychotic episode, by reminding him of his shameful family history. A family history that of course never actually happened.

And if that doesn't work, there's always the chair.

The canon fits beautifully, as far as I'm concerned. Illya and Bucky are even around the same age, give or take one of them being frozen for a few years. I can easily imagine the Winter Soldier training Illya. I can certainly imagine the two of the becoming friends. That is, as long as they could remember each other. Because there is no part of the Winter Soldier's history that isn't tragic. Then again, even without Hydra and the Red Room, Illya's story is pretty tragic too. And fandom can't ever have too many tragic super powered Russians, am I right?

I'm totally right.
Burned not-actually Russian cinnamon rolls who will kill you

taste_is_sweet: (Aliens Made Me)
Check out my Wattpad version of "Write it on the Skyline"!

The link goes to a handy-dandy explanation of what a Wattpad even is. (It's not an electrified cushion, in case you were wondering. But it is Canadian. Yay, Canada!)

As a special bonus, here is the very small cover for my fanfic that I made tonight, without much wailing or teeth-gnashing, even!

This took more effort than I feel entirely comfortable relating at this juncture.
Write it on the Skyline Wattpad Cover

Yes, it is very small. Wattpad likes small covers. But it's a cool font, right? I like that font.

ETA: I've since taken the fic down from Wattpad. Ultimately the site seemed like far too much effort for too little return. At least for me.

taste_is_sweet: (Totally Tasty!)
---This is hilarious because it makes perfect sense.

---You buy pants and a 'SSR' tee-shirt just so you can dress your kid like this for FanExpo Canada:

(He's trying to 'look weak' as pre-serum Steve Rogers, not actually sulking.)
I wish my mommy was like other parents

Even though the kid is not a MCU fan. (Isn't that why we have kids, though? To dress them up in adorable costumes?)

---You're going to FanExpo Canada, even though you live in Texas.

---You're hoping to get a picture of your kid dressed as Skinny!Steve with Hayley Atwell.

---You spend most of your Sunday making a magnetic shield harness and impulse-buy foam weapons so your kid can also be a 'Dragonslayer' at FanExpo Canada.

That foam shield you can barely see is attached to the re-purposed martial arts belt with magnets. Because I am just that obsessive good.
I did not make the tabbard. Or the necklace. Or the foam weapons. (I did make the child)

As you've probably guessed, I'll be in Canada until September 8, getting my geek on at the FanExpo. I'll try to remember to take pictures.

taste_is_sweet: (Bad Decisions)
The longer I don't post, the harder it is to think anyone might want to read any of my ridiculousness. You know how it is. (Or maybe you don't, in which case you are awesome.)

But! I do have some nifty stuff to mention, so I figure I should actually, you know, mention it. So here goes:

Dreamspinner Press, my favorite online purveyor of fine quality gay romance, is offering 50% off all of their in-stock paperbacks for the month of April! This includes my novel Black Hawk Tattoo, which is pretty great.
BlackHawkTattoo_FBThumb

I also have a new novella coming out in the beginning of May (I know I've mentioned it before but it's still totally \o/), which I'll talk about more once I have the cover design. It's called Aiden's Angel because it has an angel in it, in case you were wondering if the title was a coincidence. It is not.

Another cool thing is that I'm going to the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention (May 12 - 17)! It's in Dallas, and it looks like it'll be a lot of fun. I'm also nervous because I'll have to actually talk to people about how I have a novella out.

Any of my flisties going to be there? I'd love to meet up with you. :D

Last but not least, on the fanish side, Spring Sign Ups are open for [livejournal.com profile] intoabar! I freaking love this community--where else can you have Bucky Barnes meet Applejack the Pony? Nowhere else, that's where. I've already signed up (they close April 5, Best-Beloveds, so get in on it!), and I can almost guarantee that my entry this year will have an even less likely pairing. I can't wait. :D

Never heard of them? Of course you haven't!
Obscure Fandoms FTW!

taste_is_sweet: (Boom Baby!)
It's been nearly two months since my last personal LJ post, O, Best-Beloveds, which means I've spectacularly failed my New Year's Resolutions. (I did, however, post at least once a week to [livejournal.com profile] ushobwri for NaNoWriMo, but you need to be a member to read them. They were awesome though, just saying. And you should totally become a member if you haven't already. Seriously, all the cool kids are doing it.)

However, even if I haven't been posting anything here, I've still been doing, stuff like a stuff-doing thing, let me tell you. Baking giant chocolate-chip cookies, for example. And writing my gift-fic for the final Stargate: Atlantis Secret Santa Gift Fic Exchange ever. ::sniffle:: (Posting for that starts on the 14th, and the marvelous mods will be asking for more pitch-hitters imminently. JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE.)

I also finished and posted my epic Captain America/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic crossover of epicness for the [livejournal.com profile] intoabar community! (I posted about it here, and it was epic.)

Bucky and Steve are not, actually, ponies. But I did manage to turn a cracky premise into nearly 40,000 words of angst, because that's how I trot roll. I'm actually quite proud of it, so I hope you might give it a read if improbable fanfiction crossovers are your thing. (The Archive of our Own collection of Intoabar fics is here, if you're interested. And you should be, because the world needs more Hawaii 5-0/Teen Wolf fics like burning.)

Only With the Heart as the CA/MLP fic is called, also fills the 'Invisibility' square of my Hurt/Comfort Bingo Card, which you may note I've been killing this year, Sweetpeas. Or at least hurting quite badly with comforting afterwards. Heh.

Last but not least, I've been mainlining YouTube vids. This is one of my current favorites:

And there goes another $1.29 to iTunes, Oh, la la.

So, yeah, totally stuffy, or something. And always happy to give. I'm a giver. <3

Do you Lovelies have anything to share and/or crow about for me? I'll bet you do, Chickadees! And after all, it's the holidays and sharing is caring (Oh, la la).

taste_is_sweet: (Joy)
I have fun and happy news to share, O Best-Beloveds. Attend whilst I explain.

My awesome internet buddy Sarah Madison (or [livejournal.com profile] sarah_madison) has a new book out!

Actually, it's been out for at least two weeks now, but I literally forgot to post anything last week, for reasons I'll explain in a moment. But first let me enthuse about Walk a Mile.

Click Me!

I enjoyed the prequel, Unspeakable Words very much, so I'm extremely excited to find out what's going to happen to the characters in Walk a Mile. What I especially loved in UW was how imaginatively and unflinchingly Sarah wrote about telepathy--as in, it would suck. John Flynn is the accidental and unwilling telepath, and in UW I was cringing on his behalf pretty much every time she described what was happening to him. Imagine not even being able to know if anything you feel is true, or just your partner's wishful thinking--it'd be hell. But reading about it being hell was awesome.

Basically, the emotional H/C was off the hook in Unspeakable Words. I'm very much looking forward to more of the same, as well as having some of the questions raised by the prequel answered.

So you should totally buy both books. Just saying. ;)

And now, as promised, is the reason I forgot to post last week.

Back in August, I sent a novella to Dreamspinner, because DSP is my boo. DSP's turnaround time for submissions is no more than eight weeks. They are really, really good about this, but eight weeks is still eight weeks. The last day of the eight weeks would've been tomorrow, and by the time last Monday rolled around I was so fucking incredibly stressed I could barely function. Which apparently included remembering I'd intended to post about Sarah Madison's new novel to LJ. Luckily she's not just talented but also very understanding of authorly freakouts. :D

And then on Friday, I found out that Dreamspinner is going to publish my novella! \o/ Aiden's Angel will come out between May and June, 2015. I'll post more about it as the release date nears. :D

Congratulations, Sarah! (And me!)
taste_is_sweet: (Pony!Bucky)
Yes, I admit it: I write fanfiction. Which is a surprise to absolutely no one here whatsoever. (It's all written with joy and love and is only intended as an admiring homage and etc. etc. etc. please don't sue.)

So, since I've just outed myself as a fanficcer to absolutely nobody, I might as well tell you that I just signed up at the Into A Bar Community on Live Journal. And let me tell you, it will be epic.

Or chocolate and misery!
Best! Day! Ever!

This is how it works:

1) Choose a fandom character. They'll be going into a bar (or bar-ish environment), and they'll meet...
2) Another character from one of the other fandoms you've listed, which the community mods will choose via dice, dart-throwing, Ouja board, etc.
3) You make something about the meeting.

I am, of course, all about the epic, so naturally my walk-in is Bucky Barnes. And one of the fandoms I listed is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Now, I know what you're thinking--how could such an obvious pairing have never come up before? Because Captain America and MLP fit together like peanut butter and jelly, right? Or macaroni and cheese.

"That little guy from Ponyville, who was too dumb not to trot away from a fight. I'm following him."
Kid from Brooklyn

After all, MLP is all about the magic of friendship. And Steve and Bucky's friendship is nothing if not magical. And epic.

Steve would be a sickly little Earth Pony, who would come into his full Clydesdale size and strength after the serum. And he'd be plan brown. Like, the only MLP in existence that looks like a regular pony. Except for the red, white and blue shield on his butt.

And Bucky is Rainbow Dash.

"Ready to go to my certain death, sir!"
Rainbow Dash salute

(Only male, and dark blue and burgundy. Because yes, I have spent time thinking about this.)

And then, tragedy! Rainbow Dash Bucky breaks a wing and falls out of a train, and he can't grab the door handle because ponies don't have thumbs. Earth Pony Steve entirely fails to go on with his life by crashing a plane, and wakes up in Canterlot in 2011.

And then, three years later, Steve has a brutal fight with the Winter Pony in D.C....

"Who the hell is Twilight Sparkle?"
Winter Soldier with Apocalypse Twilight

All seems lost, until brave Pony Steve is willing to sacrifice his life in the name of friendship!

And because of his heroic sacrifice--and how he tells Rainbow Bucky, "'cause I'm with you, 'til the end of the trail"--Rainbow Bucky remembers Pony Steve and stops trampling him long enough for the deck of the helicarrier to break and dump Steve into the Potomac. But Bucky dives after him and pulls him out of the water! Only he still doesn't have thumbs, so he uses his teeth or something.

You made Fluttershy cry, you son of a bitch.
Epic trauma

Epic, I tell you. And magical. Like friendship!

Of course, with my luck, the [livejournal.com profile] intoabar mods will flip a coin and I'll get Arrow instead, which means I'll have to actually come up with something vaguely original that has humans in it. At least Stephen Amell totally rocks the shirtless, tormented assassin look.

Unfortunately, he poses for photographs like a corpse propped against the wall. But I'm good with angst; I can work with it.

Stephen Amell

taste_is_sweet: (Gilded)
I have a thing, it turns out, where I'll buy a CD (or download an album), listen the hell out of it for weeks, then put it away and not look at it again for years. My problem is that I almost never have music on during the day. Unless I'm in the car, where we generally just tune in to the least-crappy of the local radio stations, my day is silent other than the cats and my swearing at the computer. I can't write and listen to music at the same time, and I tend to forget to turn it on when I do chores. Hence the years of abandoned CDs.

So even though I'd copied all the songs from Barenaked Ladies' Gordon album to my phone a good while ago, it was just this week when I actually listened to it again.

Funny how I'd remembered the songs but forgotten how excellent most of them were. This song is one of my absolute favorites:


Not the most awesome video, but Steven Page could sure rock a 90s haircut and frilly shirt.

I bought Gordon (way) back when it came out in 1992, and heard "What a Good Boy", and basically had my personal angst theme-song for the next ten years. Just the lines: I wake up scared; I wake up strange; I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change encapsulated the gormless anxiety I seemed to carry with me all the time, and singing the song at the top of my lungs offered an aggressive pathos that made me feel both connected to every other miserable twenty-something on the planet and smugly isolated at the same time.

My 90s were kind of terribly awesome.

That decade was an astonishingly long time ago, but I still have the Gordon album, and the songs are still amazing. The others I've been listening the hell out of are "The Flag" (an achingly beautiful song about domestic abuse), and "Wrap Your Arms Around Me" (the line, Do you believe we are all innately good? in that gorgeous harmony gets me every single time).

I really should listen to it more often. And my other CDs as well.

::Eyes Evanescence::

Well, maybe not all of them.
taste_is_sweet: (And Counting!)
'Cause it's my birthday! (And also because I've got dinner in the oven.)

I turned 42 today! (Very, very early this morning, according to my mom.) And thank you very, very much to [livejournal.com profile] firesign10, and [livejournal.com profile] brumeier for her super-sweet congratulations post, and to everyone who left such nice comments! I got a little teary, I swear.

But still, 42. And aside from it being the answer to life, the universe and everything, I can't say as I feel much other than kind of old. I know I have Flisties who are older than I am, but, still. Maybe it's because I live in a city very, very skewed towards 20-somethings, but some days I feel absolutely ancient compared to all the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed kids running around getting university degrees.

Then again, I don't have to get a university degree anymore. \o/

But hey, birthdays are still awesome. And since it's also my awesome sister [livejournal.com profile] squeakyoflight's birthday, I wrote her fic! MCU fic!

I already added it to my H/C Bingo Card earlier this week, but I didn't actually tell anyone about it here, so I'm indulging myself and doing so now. It's called The Right Way to Fall. It's set post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, because everyone who wants to write anything in the MCU fandom has to write a Winter Soldier fic these days.

Anyway, there it is. :) I'm quite happy with it, and I've been told it's good. I hope you like it. (And it's my birthday, so even if you don't you have to lie. Birthday rules! ::g::)
taste_is_sweet: (Bad Decisions)
In other words, Hurt/Comfort Bingo time, y'all!

Now, much as I totally adore H/C (seriously, I love it like kittens), last year I was only able to fill three squares of my card. Alas, I did not get a bingo.

I'm a little more sanguine this year, because I've already filled my first square, and will hopefully have my second square filled by Monday. I'm feeling pretty good about this, guys. Comfortable, even, as opposed to hurt. Heh.

And here's my card. (You notice the convenient links in the square(s), right? Right?)

Abandonment Issues blood loss Suicide Attempt bites Possession / Mind Control
Invisibility restrained hunger / starvation time travel gone wrong On The Run
branding poltergeist WILD CARD (Comfort Item) Telepathic Trauma Purgatory
pandemics and epidemics Captivity dystopia Forced Soulbonding Clones
Bruises Electrocution Taking Care of Somebody Grief Forced to Hurt Somebody

taste_is_sweet: (And Counting!)
I'm sure you think I'm joking by that subject heading, O, best-beloveds. But I'm not! Entirely! This is totally not entirely a joke.

Because, according to Brazilian physician Claudio Gil Araujo and Discover Magazine (which makes it absolutely, totally true, yo), being able to sit cross-legged on the floor and then stand up again without using your hands or putting your knee down, etc. is an excellent indication of how long you may live. At least if you're over 51 (and able-bodied enough to attempt it in the first place).

Why? Because having enough flexibility, balance and strength to sit on the floor without crashing on your ass, and to get up without needing your hands helps in avoiding falls (which get more problematic when our hips start snapping like Doritos), and means you're in good shape in general, which helps in avoiding death (which will never not be problematic). The test is scored out of ten with anything other than feet-only subtracting a point. Anyone with a score of less than 8 was twice as likely to die within the next six years. Anyone with a score of three or less was five times as likely to die. Which might raise someone's chances at death to only 5%, but still. Whoa.

I'm blessed enough to be able-bodied, but I found to my chagrin that I needed to use one hand to get up. Nothing like having my delusions of physical prowess sunk like the Titanic in literally one sitting.

Give me ten more reps. For freedom!
 photo CaptainAmerica.jpg

My physio therapist (Apparently sitting in terrible positions for 5+ hours a day typing for over ten years causes repetitive strain injuries. Who knew?), who is in his (very) early 30s and looks like Captain America, can of course get on and off the floor using only one leg. Which would be intimidating if he wasn't so adorable. And heroic.

So, my current exercise regimen now includes simply getting off the floor without using my hands. I managed it once today! Once! ONE WHOLE TIME!

I'm going to be immortal. Seriously.

taste_is_sweet: (Chuck was Worried)
(Yes, "oppilant" is a real word. I totally looked it up.) And edited because I can't believe I spelled 'losing' with two 'O's. What the hell, brain?

I've been told in no uncertain terms by the lovely woman I pay to bitch at that I may be losing out on opportunities because I'm terrified I'm reluctant to move out of my comfort zone.

Since I pay her to tell me these things, I can only assume she has my best interests at heart and is probably right. Therefore o, best-beloveds, I've decided that this year I need to get off my frightened little ass and go to a writers' conference.

What am I frightened about (I know you're not asking, but I'm telling you anyway)? That would be rejection, my friends. Plain and simple. I've posted about this before, because I'm nothing if not redundant consistent, but I didn't realize just how terrified I am of rejection until I contemplated being rejected in person by other writers I don't know.

Seriously, nauseous with terror just from looking at a couple upcoming conferences in Texas. All I can think of is going to these panels hosted by beautiful writers (that's not even a joke--they all look so pretty and thin in their pictures) who are way more successful than me and then I'll say something or offer something, or just, something...and there'll be crickets. The metaphor for the deadly silence just before the hapless comic taps the microphone and asks, "is this thing on?"

But, I'm going to be brave and do it anyway. However, it'd be a lot easier to be brave if I wasn't alone. So, is anyone else out there planning on going to a writers' conference, who would like some company? Even if it's outside of Texas, if it's not too far I could probably manage to go. And I can be extremely encouraging to other people, if necessary. It's just me I have trouble with. I'd love to meet more people on my FList, too.

If not, well. I was thinking of going to the Writers League of Texas Agents and Editors conference in June. If you happen to be there, I'll be the plain, geeky older woman in the back. But my tee-shirt will be awesome.
taste_is_sweet: (And Counting!)
Yeah, so. ::Coughs awkwardly:: I didn't post anything last week because I was in Washington. Didn't do so great on the stretches, either. But resolutions can be a work in progress, right? RIGHT?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Yeah.

Anyway, I have news! I think! I think I have news about all those emails intended for someone else with my name that I've been getting for years.

True story, O Best-Beloveds. I think I may have actually found the mystery person.

You see, after getting yet one more email intended for this other woman (this one was a confirmation of a new user account at an NYC sports club), I finally snapped.

"What do I have to lose?" I asked myself, though not actually out loud. "It can't really destroy the universe, can it? (Though if it does, I'm calling dibs on being the Dark Matter.)" And I decided to find this person once and for all.

So, taking the clues from the misdirected emails (she lives in New York; she goes to a university that unfortunately had its name Shanghaied by a bar; she was once invited to be a hut ambassador at the Chirpy Ski Resort of God), and knowing that everyone is on Facebook these days, I did a FB search for every account with the same first and last name as I do and information that fit.

And, lo! I found one. She has the right age, right interests (art! Ski pictures!), and started the university with the bar-stolen name at the right time for all the emails.

Taking courage and the possible fate of the universe in hand, I sent her a message via FB. Here's hoping she checks her 'Other' folder (God knows I almost never remember to). Here's also hoping she really is the right name-sharer, and especially that she's the only name-sharer. I'd hate to think I was getting email intended for several different people; one is annoying enough.

But I have a feeling I've found her, because we share the same birthday, as well as the same name. I'm sure it's a sign.
taste_is_sweet: (Please be Advised)
For someone unashamedly adverse to danger, I have a fascination with mountain climbing.

(Warning: this deals with dead climbers, so to both set and lighten the mood a little, here is a picture of my son being an adorable zombie for Halloween:)
Cutest. Zombie. Ever.
 photo ZombieJavierHalloween20135.jpg

Ready to read about dead people? Great, let's go: )



This post was inspired by a fantastic Avengers AU fanfic called The Mountain (though the mountain in the title is K2), written by Jay Tryfanstone

taste_is_sweet: (Hawaii loves Danny too)
While poking around the multitude of online publishers, I came across this website. Astrea Press specializes in books that don't have sex. As in none. Whatsoever. (They refer to it as showing 'pink parts', which is kind of cute.) Personally, I love this idea. After years of fanfiction and slash, the idea of not having to write about bumping uglies is pretty cool. Unfortunately, they don't take novels with too much violence in them either. Which disqualifies pretty much anything I've ever written, ever.

BUT! They're not the only publishing house out there that specializes in these kind of romances. Even Elora's Cave, known for its erotica, has a 'Sweet' line called Blush. And then of course there's 'Inspirational' romance. Harlequin is very well known for this genre, which has way less pink--not even tongues--and way more God.

"Come back to the church, Sarah. Or I'll eat you."
 photo CalltoGraceCover.jpg

And that, O best-beloveds, is when I realized that I'd hit a completely untapped genre, combining two of the hottest trends in publishing right now: Dinosaur Erotica and Inspirational Romance.

Isn't that beautiful? I can see you getting misty-eyed with joy already.

(The photos I used are: Two Amish Girls by Sharee Basinger, Raptor by Yinan Chen, Pretty Church by Terrence Hatch, and Rural Field by Larisa Koshkina. They can be found Here, Here, Here, and Here. At Public Domain Pictures.net.)

taste_is_sweet: (Aliens Made Me)
Yesterday, as some of you may recall, I was lamenting my lack of foresight which prevented me from making millions with dinosaur erotica.

Well, no more, my friends! Here is the cover of my upcoming debut novel in the exciting and untapped genre of porn with ancient sea-reptiles. Naturally I had to find a new pen-name, to avoid any public ridicule when I eventually win the Nobel Prize for Literature.

I decided to emulate the artistry of the Christie Sims covers, because nothing says classy dino-porn like 10 minutes with Photoshop.
 photo BookCover.jpg

Leeoolaa, the great sorceress of her seafaring tribe, is determined to end the famine plaguing her people. She takes a raft and sets out alone on the ocean with one goal: to offer herself to the Old Man of the Sea--the Ichthyosaur--as a sacrifice to ensure the survival of her tribe.

Naked, provisionless save for her magic protective amulet and her determination, Leeoolaa expects to die. What she doesn't expect is that the Old Man of the Sea will accept her offer, but not as a sacrifice.

No. The Ichthyosaur wants Leeoolaa as his mate, and more: as the mother of a new tribe of half-men, half-Ichthyosaurs, who he will use to rule the ocean!

Now Leeoolaa has a to make a choice: stay as the Ichthyosaur's love-slave and brood mare, or return to her tribe and turn her back on the greatest watery ecstasy she's ever known?


Awesome, right? I can't wait to sit back and rake in the dough. Oh, and I'll totally make covers for anyone who wants to join me in my new, lucrative career of anachronistic, physiologically impossible porn. Just $5.00 each. Which is apparently market value for that level of artistry and talent.

(The pregnant woman and ocean background come from FreeDigitalPhotos.Net, and were taken by Paul Goody and foto76, respectively. I couldn't find the source for the Ichthyosaur.)

And I'm using this for the Difficult Pregnancy square of my [livejournal.com profile] hc_bingo card, for obvious reasons.

taste_is_sweet: (Every Five Pages)
I finished my new novel yesterday. I put in the last edits, made sure the title page had the right info on it, and sent that sucker off. Hopefully to engender a six-figure bidding war between famous publishers before it gets snapped up by Joss Whedon.

My immediate future. Of course.
 photo Money.jpg

So, with the work finished and my wealth and fortune completely assured, you'd think that I'd be happy, wouldn't you? Well, so would I! Except for how I'm not.

Nope. Pretty much everything made me cry this morning. Nothing like trying to sing along to your MP3 player and getting choked up by songs that have nothing to do with your life.

The sad (sadder?) thing is, I know it's because the novel's finished. This has happened to me before. What should be an occasion for enthusiastic relief, or at least relief and alcohol, instead ends up giving me the blues for days. Because obviously, if I'm not working on something then I'm a useless human being, right? Not to mention that once the novel's been sent out into the big, bad world, there's a huge, enormous chance that no one will like it. And if no one likes my writing, then I'm a useless human being.

Wash, rinse, repeat ad nauseam.

So here I am, moping 'cause I've got something accomplished. Go, me. And now I get to add terror to misery by starting something else that maybe no one will like either.

Writing: It's not a job, it's a (completely self-imposed) torment! And yet I keep doing it anyway.

Isn't one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result?

 photo Chimp.jpg

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June 2016

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